"I Feel Nothing But Shame!" | Jack Skipper | Golden Goal Ep 3
Comedian Jack Skipper steps onto the pitch for Episode Three of Golden Goal! Decked out like it’s Euro ’96, the Crystal Palace fan puts his Year Six penalty glory days to the test. Can he conquer the distance penalties, navigate the cone maze, and climb the leaderboard past Maisie Adam and Harry Clarke? Follow more on the BBC Sport app, iPlayer and Sounds. ============= Find us here: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BBCMOTD X: https://x.com/BBCMOTD Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bbcfootball/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@bbcsport bbcfootball
Transcript
We are back, and I'm joined by comedian JACK SKIPPER. >> BALL! >> I'LL GET IT. >> WHAT A TACTIC. >> JACK has one job, [music] and that's to put the ball into the back of the net. NICE! >> OH! >> NOW, IF JACK SCORES, I'll take it easy on him. But if he misses, things will get a little tougher. >> The pressure got to me. >> It did, didn't it? >> It's nothing but shame. >> Well, here is Jack looking like he's part of Euro '96. Come on in, Jack. Come on in. >> Looking proud as I walk in. >> Honestly, look at you. Showing off your skills already. Showing off your warmer. >> You need to warm up, didn't you? >> You have to warm up. So, tell me, what is your football ability like? Have you got any horror moments on the pitch you can tell us about? >> Hit the school team, year six. Scored the winning penalty. Get to the final. >> How long ago was that, dare I ask? >> Uh 25 years ago, I think. >> [laughter] >> I retired Danny from there, my football career. >> Let's just hold on to that year six moment. That's what matters. That's what matters. Right. Well, the golden goal leader board, Harry Clark, is in second place at the moment. Maisie Adam is topping the leader board. Do you think you can beat them both? >> Well, I've just seen where the penalty spot is. It's far out, isn't it? >> Honestly, this reminds me of Harry Clark. The excuses are coming already. >> I was a center back. So, I should be clearing it instead of scoring it. >> Are you sure? >> Yeah, the pressure. Like, cuz I can talk the talk, you know what I mean? But now you have to watch what skills I've got, you know what I >> should we have a go then? >> We're going straight into it. >> First challenge. >> Let's get Stevie in goals. Let's go into it. >> Come on. Go, Stevie. Start the mind games. Start the mind games. >> [laughter] >> As I am the referee, >> Yeah. >> it's only right. You've had some complaints already about where the ball is. So, here is your penalty spot. You cannot move that. Three attempts. >> Okay. >> Are you ready? >> I know this is supposed to be a laugh. I'm really nervous. >> [laughter] >> Jelly legs. >> I'm really feeling this. >> Let's go. >> Oh! >> Nice! MY GOODNESS! >> OH! OH, NO! >> [laughter] >> I'LL GET IT. I'll get it. AT LEAST YOU GOT THE FIRST ONE. >> I'LL get it. >> Just to make sure we we're just humbling you a little bit. The third one. >> I don't think I need it after that one, do I, really? Is there Is there health and safety here? Cuz I don't know. >> Everything's been checked. >> Everything's been Yeah. >> I can tell you now everything's been checked. >> there's a climb. >> [laughter] >> ONE MORE GOAL. OH! HIT THE BAR. >> Hit it? >> Hit the bar. >> You scored one. >> So, you've got a point on your own Need for Speed board. So, let me ask you, when did you first fall in love with football, Jack? >> Euro '96. I think it's the peak of human existence. It's just >> you've got some England icons in there as well, to be fair, aren't you? Any any particular stand-out player-wise? >> Gascoigne. I remember like really getting into David Beckham in World Cup '98. Had the curtains. >> Oh, did you have them? >> Yeah. >> Did you go for the blonde as well? Oh, I we need to dig out a photo of that. >> [laughter] >> I need to get some footage of that, definitely. As far as England is concerned, if there's one moment that you could erase from England's history, >> Going back to '96, right? When we got knocked out by Germany. When they won the Euros, they sung "Football's Coming Home". How much do you want to rub salt in the wound? Like that still annoys me to this day. >> Yeah, go to bed in the night going "Football's Coming Home" but in a German accent. Yeah. >> "Football's Coming Home". >> [laughter] >> You need to work on that. You need to work on that, still. Okay, so challenge number two. You've got to dribble through the cones, Jack, and then you need to shoot in line with these gold cones. >> Right. All right. >> Through those cones. Through those cones. Lovely. Lovely. Okay, ANYWHERE THAT. >> OH! I'LL GET IT. >> [laughter] >> RIGHT. I'VE PANICKED. I'VE PANICKED. >> WOAH, we'll pretend [music] we didn't see that. NICE. That's what we're talking about. That's what we're >> Side nets. >> Let's bring some of these cones a little closer together. >> I think so. Is it going to be as dangerous as the last round? >> Well, >> You going to set the cones on fire? >> I'm not sure that comes under the health and safety regulations. The blindfold maybe. >> Let's go that way. >> That's it. Over to the right. Nice. Back around. >> That way? >> That's it. Back where you started. Good. Over to the left cone. Now back round. >> Look at that. Is Thomas Tuchel watching? >> Obviously. He loves Golden Goal. First time left hand corner as well, Steve. >> That's the first time he's went there. >> [laughter] >> Part of the tactic. >> [music] >> Part of the tactic. I'm actually out of breath. How do I run from there to there? >> When you were in your six, you could do it. Now, 25 years on. >> Exactly. I'm not putting this on. I'm genuine. >> [laughter] >> Now, I don't want to give the game away, but I think you're doing pretty well on the leader board so far. Yeah. The question a lot of people don't really like to answer, Wayne Rooney or Harry Kane? >> I'm going to say Harry Kane. Football side, he's just a classic gent. And I like that. >> We've had Micky Flanagan on the show. Comedian of course. Lots of comedians on the circuit who love football. >> Yeah. >> Are you the most talented of the lot? >> At football or comedy? >> At football. >> No, obviously. >> [laughter] >> So, what about comedian wise? Who's up there for you as the goat? >> I was always a massive Sean Lock fan. I was the one thing I've I've met all my most of my heroes, and I was one of those guys that I never actually got to meet Sean Lock, but yeah, I'd I'd say he's up there. >> Okay, are you ready then? Your third and final challenge. Keep the warm up going, Jack. You've got this, right? The plan here is I will lay the ball off onto you. Yep. it's about your moment to shine. >> Okay. >> A bit of freestyle around the mannequin. Obviously, aiming at the goal once more, but if you get top bins, then you get bonus points. >> Let's do it. >> Let's go. >> All right. >> [snorts] >> Let's Let's show us your flair, then. Come on. >> [groaning] >> Every time. >> I was going for top bins. I was going for the glory. >> Top bins. >> Jack, what >> [laughter] >> Mind games, Stevie. Mind games. >> Let's go. >> I caught my breath in the last time, to be honest. >> Let's go. >> Let's go. >> You got this. Going round the mannequin same way. Good goal, though. >> You don't know the truth behind it all. I'm not aiming anywhere. It just naturally just keeps going. >> [laughter] >> Just get it there. >> It's just going there. There's nothing I can do about it. There's nothing I can do about it. >> Let's go. Come on. Same way around the mannequin every time. DOWN TO THE LEFT. >> [screaming] >> NO. NO. >> I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHAT TO say on that one. >> [laughter] >> Stevie, you're just too good. You're just too good. >> The pressure got to me. >> It did, didn't it? >> Yeah. Ah. I feel nothing but shame. Like this looks like a post-match interview, doesn't it? >> Yeah, it is like a post-match >> At the end of the day, the boys have done better. You know. >> Well, let me take you into this Premier League season. Palace fan, we know broadly what's your hot take for the season. >> Palace finishing above Man U. >> Ooh. >> I'd like to see it. I think that's more wishful thinking. >> Now, that is wishful thinking, but still >> I just like to see it happen. >> Thomas Tuchel. >> Yeah. >> In or out? >> In. Thomas Tuchel, watch him. He might have seen something he liked there. He might have seen something to keep in his good books. >> [laughter] >> Okay, fair enough. And what about Palace? Do you think Palace have peaked, dare I ask? >> Well, if they have, at least I can say I was there to witness it. >> Fair enough. [laughter] That's what we're looking at. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> That's what we're looking at. >> Yeah, yeah. >> Can you see things getting better for you? >> I think so. As I say, we're going to talk about adding depth in the squad as well. So, yeah, I think so. But I'll say I I will say it like you know like I was at the FA Cup final. I was there with my son. And my son my son's been spoiled to be honest. >> He's got to experience some lows. >> Yeah, yeah, so at the start of the season this is what Palace is like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> Well, Jack, you have been brilliant. It's been a ple >> What's so brilliant? >> Come on. Who do [laughter] you think you are? >> I think I'm trying. >> Finish this well, okay? >> Yeah, all right, yeah. >> I mean, you're at the moment you're at the bottom of the league >> for just reminding me of that. No, cheers. That's That's made me feel better then. That's all right. >> Third on the leaderboard. You're in bronze medal position. >> Yeah, yeah, still yeah, still in Champions League. >> Yeah, exactly. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm still qualified. Yeah. >> [laughter] >> You have four points. >> Yeah. >> But, there is still time for you to sign us [music] off on a high. >> Yeah. >> I mean, Harry hit the crossbar >> Yeah. >> to end the episode. >> Yeah. >> Can you fancy your chances of that or even top bins? >> Can I go out? >> [laughter] >> Give it a go. Forget about the pressure. >> All right. >> Look, if you've enjoyed Golden Goal, please like and subscribe. [music] But, for now, let's hand you over to Jack to give us the punchline on this one. Come on, Jack. Let's see what you've got. Oh, okay. Never mind. Never mind, Jack. We tried. We tried.