Premier League has collection of hilariously chaotic pantomime clubs

· Football365

The Premier League is in peak chaos times, with Manchester United and Tottenham a mess. And then there’s Liverpool.

Two genuine title contenders rather than having to pretend 5 teams could win it. Frank getting Lamped every week and the other 17 teams a hilariously chaotic clusterf\ of largely overrated/overpaid yet highly entertaining 100% box office craziness. Apart from the top 2 and bottom 1, it’s like watching every pantomime show in the country back to back while alternating between doses of LSD, crack and crystal meth.

Ben Teacher Carrick can’t even change his clothes Fans needn’t look much further than Michael Carrick’s inability to change his outfit to know that, tactically, he is hardly a man for radical thinking.

With 60 minutes on the clock against ten-man-City, is it really too much to ask for the safe navy-blue ensemble to be ripped off, revealing a This is Spinal Tap tank top underneath and signalling that the heavy-metal onslaught is about to begin?

Alas, we have Matheus Cunha making his fourth consecutive Premier League start as a central forward, with precisely zero Premier League goals to his name so far. He does have one goal to his name, though: in the UCL, courtesy of a start on the left.

Carrick remaining in charge aligns rather neatly with Sir Jim’s ambition for spending. But we needn’t look beyond Carrick’s refusal to change his outfit to know exactly what United’s tactical wardrobe is likely to look like this season: safe, sensible and unlikely to change.

Chris ‘Howe could we possibly change?’ MUFC More Manchester derby thoughts

Will Ford thinks he’s identified an interesting anomaly. I’m not sure he has. The reason violent actions committed from a lying down position are more harshly treated is because the only part of your anatomy you can feasibly use in that scenario is your foot. That probably means kicking someone, which is obviously worse than the sort of playground push you might indulge in if you’re standing up.

Ironically, though, Foden did not kick Fernandes. Which brings me to my second point. Isn’t it about time we started booking players for over-reacting to minimal contact? If you get a yellow for diving in the box why should you not get one for collapsing like JFK when someone has literally brushed your midriff with the side of their shin?

Someone made a good point about why VAR officials need be qualified on-field referees. It really just needs an understanding of the rules. Why not therefore engage a top law firm to do this role?

Although, I would suggest some experience of playing the game might also come in handy. Anyone who’s put in a shift between the sticks will know the real reason Fernandez is interfering with play is less to do with Martinez and more to do with Lammens. Lammens is clearly alive to the danger that Fernandez might get his head on it. He therefore needs to wait until the ball has gone past Fernandez before he can then address the danger from Haaland. That split second delay prevents him from getting across, narrowing the angle and possibly blocking the shot. This point seems to be entirely missing from the discussion.

Matt Pitt How do you solve a problem like Bruno?

There is a very simple solution to resolve the issue of diving/faking injury a la Bruno Fernandes.

At the end of each game, whatever channel is showing the match will have a 5 minute segment. This segment will be called “pathetic men of the premier league”. In this segment, we will get close up replays of grown men (elite athletes infact), screaming and crying like toddlers in order to gain a slight or sometime significant advantage in the game. This segment will be viewed by players and their wives and children, as well as fans and people with a general interest in seeing pathetic men behave in embarrassing ways.

The show will also include the pathetic responses from managers justifying their pathetic players pathetic behaviour. The segment will also show highlights of said managers complaining about the exact same behaviour when an opposing team behaves in such a manner.

Each week, there will be a “pathetic man of the week” award for the most pathetic man. The award will be discussed in pre and post match press conferences.

Andy Gray and Richard Keyes can present. They would love it. Graeme Souness can do a guest spot. The Benny Hill theme tune can play in the background.

Note : This segment should not include players who are sneakily trying to get someone sent off… the ones who get up straight away after a red card is issued and give a little cheeky wink to the opposition. These players are good banter and add character to the league.

Shz On Bruno, Manchester United and VAR Long time since writing in but I wanted to collect my thoughts here.

Shunt LFC writes in about taking one for the team and “doing Bruno.”

I thought that very same thing. Take a 3-10 match suspension and put that odious little rat into row ZZ. I used to think that El Hadji Diouf was the most unlikeable player to ever grace the Premier League but it’s fair to say that Bruno Fernandes has easily taken that mantle. He may be a good player, but I don’t care how good you are, there’s no excuse for him acting the way he does on a football pitch. None.

Secondly, watching United supporters complain about Maitland-Niles having the time to hit a worldy was just music to my ears. First, time added on is the minimum (which they failed to remember) and there was a substitution which certainly added time on (which they failed to see.) BUT, even if all of that wasn’t true, seeing United done over by Fergie Time and then complaining about it has to be one of the most glorious things on social media this past week.

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